May 29th, 2009
May 22nd, 2009
which really doesn't happen to often with me.
but i'm going to make an effort to get back into digital art. i've been slacking for far too long. i figure i make enough shit, start me a portfolio, & maybe make something of this. showcase my works, get commissions, make a little moolah on the side, feel me ??
excuse that i didn't lj cut the images. but i put the code in and it showed up as text on my post. (???)
May 18th, 2009
with everything working against us.
the constant misunderstandings.
the inevitable mistrust we have for each other.
things both us are unable to compromise on.
the person that you are.
the person that I am.
take a look at all these factors, face value.
are we destined to fail ??
~ somewhere in my heart there still lingers a string of hope.
May 14th, 2009
my name is china [cheena].
i created this journal completely out of boredom. rite now i'm deprived of rest, but i can't seem to bring myself to sleep. the reason being ?? too many thoughts darting here & there & everywhere in my head. so i thought to myself on a whim, why not start a journal ??
blogging must offer some beneficial element to your mental well-being [lol, i feel like i'm writing some thesis]. it allows for one to sort out one's thoughts & ideas [& that would be helpful much because i am rather scatter-brained]. you can bitch bitch bitch about the most insignificant and pettiest things in this world and it'll take in every single word you say without criticism. a way to release anything you have pent-up inside you, freely, openly, without holding back from fear of certain somebodies' opinions. write whatever it is your little heart desires !! ~ <3
blogging is really very therapeutic. with my emotional state ranging in extreme highs & lows. erratic, unstable, & sometimes contradictory i can be. [don't think me crazy please !! that's a big misunderstanding lmao. blame it on my naturally geminian bi-polar-ness]. my major problem ?? i have yet to effectively deal with this inability to contain and disperse my tempestuousness, and once that flame is sparked it has the capability of catching wild-fire. a temper which can take little effort to arouse, will ultimately get the very best of me, & trust me, you don't want to be in the same room once that happens. when i say i am off the hook, take those words thoughtfully, when i'm at my boiling point i can be vindictive, calculating, irrational, insensitive and brutal. i've done a few things i've regret, wether acting in a violent physical way, or with unrelenting insults aimed at your every insecurity, which i know how to do wordlessly through body language and being plain ignorant and having every intention to rock your emotions into a frenzy. i mean i've always been this way but it's gotten much worse. i don't know what's to blame, either unnecessary drama, or raging hormones, my well-hidden, delicate ego disturbed, or maybe my tendency towards over-analyzing emotions before feeling them ... argh !! [having to write this about myself , i feel damn pathetic haha] but hopefully in being able to write down and sort through everything in my mind it can offer me some kind of insight into the little mysteries, complexities, & frivolities of this life.
so here's to the start of my new, special, little project, a documentation of the daily dilly dally of yours truly, no holds barred, the good, the bad, the ugly. i know it'll help me find some inner peace. i know this because i feel a little weight off my shoulders already. honesty, self-awareness, and admitting to one's faults can be so liberating.